How to have a conversation about money

There’s no need to overprepare but thinking about a few things ahead of time can make the conversation easier.

There’s rarely a perfect moment but giving the other person a bit of notice can help. 

Let them know you’d like to talk about money, and if you can, give them a rough idea of what it’s specifically about. 

That way, they’ll have time to think it over and feel more prepared for the chat.  

Choose a quiet spot where you won’t be interrupted. Home might be best if you need paperwork, but a walk might help things feel more relaxed.

It depends on the situation. In most cases, it’s important to include everyone involved in the issue. 

But sometimes it helps to have a chat with one or two people first, especially if the topic is sensitive or complex (like when kids are involved and parents need to talk privately first).

It helps to say things out loud beforehand. Try thinking about how the other person might respond and what you could say in return.

You could practise in front of a mirror or run it by a friend who’s not involved to get a fresh perspective.

Once you’ve prepared, you’ll be in a good place to start the conversation with confidence. 

If your partner or family controls your money, or takes out debt in your name, that is financial abuse. You don’t have to face it alone. 

Starting a chat about money doesn’t always have to be direct. Sometimes it's easier to ease into it naturally, rather than asking someone to sit down for a serious chat. Here are some ways to help get the conversation going:

• If a friend or someone you know is going through something similar, you could talk about their situation to help lead into your own.

• Mention a TV show, news story, or book that relates to what you’re dealing with. It can be a helpful way to bring up your own experience.

• Use what’s around you, like a bill, a recent purchase, or something on TV, to spark the conversation. 

That said, there are times when you’ll need to be more direct, especially if the issue is urgent and can’t wait.

Knowing how to open the conversation can boost your confidence. Here are a few ideas for how to start:

• “There’s something I’d like to talk about that could help us work towards our goals.”

• “I want to talk about [blank], but I’d really like to hear your thoughts first.” 

• “I need your help with something that just happened. Do you have a few minutes to talk?”

• “I think we might see [blank] differently, and I’d like to understand your point of view.”

Remember, a good conversation goes both ways, so be sure to listen as well as talk. 

We know that it can be hard to talk about money, but having these conversations can help your mental wellbeing. 

Our research shows that talking about money can:

• improve your relationships

• boost your confidence with managing money 

• help you make smarter, safer financial decisions

• reduce stress and anxiety and help you feel more in control.

Here are some tips to make those conversations easier and more productive.

It’s normal to feel emotional, but try to stay calm and focused. If needed, set aside another time to process your feelings so you can think clearly during the conversation.

Talking over each other can lead to arguments. Let each person speak fully. If interruptions happen, gently suggest taking turns so everyone feels heard.

Start sentences with “I feel” or “I think” instead of “You…” Accusations and negative body language can shut the other person down.

Stick to the money issue at hand. If other concerns come up, save them for another time. This helps keep the conversation productive and focused.

Try to sit or stand at the same height. It helps create a more equal and respectful atmosphere.

Have contact details ready for charities or support services, in case you need outside help to move forward.

You can find useful contacts for debt, gambling and relationship issues in our guide Talking to your partner about money.

Staying calm, respectful and focused may help you have a more useful and positive conversation. 

Sometimes things won’t go as planned and that’s okay. If the other person reacts negatively, here are some ways you can respond calmly and constructively:

Are there any other possible scenarios you think might happen? If so, write them down, along with a solution.

After a tough money chat, it’s normal to feel relieved it’s over and you might not want to bring it up again. But following up is an important part of making real progress.

Here are some simple ways to end the conversation on a good note and keep things moving forward.

Let the other person know you appreciate having the talk, even if it was difficult. Recognise that it took effort, and highlight any positives that came from it, like understanding each other better or finding a way forward.

Show that you’re taking the conversation seriously by following through on any actions you discussed. Being clear about what’s happening next helps build trust and keeps things moving.

It can help to put the key points in writing either in a message, email, or on paper. This gives you both something to look back on and can avoid confusion later.

People often remember things differently, so having it written down helps make sure you’re on the same page.

Ending well sets the tone for future conversations and makes it easier to keep talking when you need to.