If you’re wondering how to support your adult child’s independence, here are some gentle, practical ways to start those conversations.
What’s in this guide
- Start with empathy
- Talking about household contributions
- Helping them with budgeting
- Debt: offering support
- Supporting your adult child with benefits
- Career and income conversations
- Talking to your grown-up child about pensions
- What to do if you’re worried about financial abuse
- More help with talking about money
Start with empathy
Having adult children at home can bring mixed emotions. You want to support them, but you also want to encourage independence.
Every family is different. What works for one might not work for another and cultural expectations also shape how families view adult children living at home.
The key is finding an arrangement that feels fair and supportive for everyone.
Conversation starter
“I know things are tough right now, and I want to support you. Can we talk about what you need and how we can work together?”
Talking about household contributions
If your grown-up child is living at home, it’s reasonable to discuss how they can share in household responsibilities.
This isn’t about charging rent. It’s about teamwork and preparation for financial independence.
Ideas to discuss together
A fair contribution towards rent or bills (perhaps a percentage of their income).
Covering specific costs, like groceries or utilities.
Helping with jobs that would otherwise cost money (DIY, home maintenance, childcare).
Building a “rainy day” fund for unexpected costs.
Share some household figures so they understand real costs, but also offer to help them create a budget that includes their contribution.
Find out more in our guide Emergency savings – how much is enough?
Helping them with budgeting
Budgeting can feel overwhelming, especially for young adults. Instead of telling them what to do, invite them to explore it with you.
You could start by talking about:
income versus outgoings
fixed costs (like bills) versus extras (like entertainment)
saving for goals (like holidays or a deposit) versus emergency funds (for things like car repairs.
Encourage them to use tools like our easy-to-use Budget planner or ioin our private Budgeting and Saving Facebook group where they can hear from others in the same situation.
Conversation starter
“Would it help if we looked together at what comes in and goes out each month?”
Debt: offering support
If your adult child is struggling with debt, it’s natural to want to step in. But paying it off for them isn’t always the best long-term solution.
Instead, you could:
explore repayment options together
share your own experiences with debt
offer support with budgeting or financial planning.
If you do help financially, frame it as support for their independence: “I can contribute towards this if we also put a plan in place, so it doesn’t happen again.”
This way, it’s about partnership, not rescue.
Find out more in our guide How to prioritise your debts
It’s normal to feel nervous about having these conversations.
Setting boundaries may feel uncomfortable at first, but in the long run, it often strengthens relationships.
Remember, progress takes time. Financial independence is usually a gradual process -celebrate small wins together.
Join our Facebook group
Join our private Debt Support Community Facebook group to help give you new ideas to tackle debts and keep you motivated.
Supporting your adult child with benefits
Having this conversation can feel awkward, but knowing about available support can make a real difference to your adult child's financial stress and give them more options while they work towards independence.
If they’re struggling to find work
If your grown-up child is struggling to find work or earning very little, they might be able to get financial help from the government.
This support can help them pay for everyday things and give them time to get back on their feet.
If they’re studying
There are grants, loans and bursaries that can help with costs. Encourage them to look at what's available using resources like the UK Government's guide to financial support for further education.
Find out more in our guide Financial support for further education.
If they’re not studying
Use our Benefits calculator to show them what they might be able to claim, like Universal Credit.
If you get benefits too, it's worth checking together how their claim might change what your household receives in total.
Career and income conversations
If your adult child is not contributing financially because they don’t have a job or have irregular income, focus on their next steps rather than just the money.
Ways to support
Talk about their career goals and timelines.
Offer help with job searches, CVs, or networking.
Agree a smaller or temporary contribution if income is limited (financial or practical).
Talking to your grown-up child about pensions
It's never too early to think about retirement. While a first car or saving for a house might seem more urgent to your adult child, understanding pensions early can give them a huge advantage.
Employers must automatically put employees into a pension scheme and add money to it if they're 22 or older. This age is changing to 18 in the next year or two, so younger workers will get this benefit sooner.
Conversation starter
"When your employer offers a pension, they'll usually put money in for you as well. It's basically free money for your future."
Understanding this early means they're more likely to take advantage of it when they start working, rather than missing out on years of free contributions.
Even small amounts add up over time, and starting young makes a big difference to what they'll have when they retire.
Find out more in our guide Pension contribution matching.
What to do if you’re worried about financial abuse
Most families can resolve money issues with conversation.
But if your adult child pressures you, misuses your money, or becomes abusive, this isn’t just conflict — it may be financial abuse.
Signs of financial abuse include:
demanding money or access to your accounts
taking out credit in your name
threats or emotional manipulation around money.
Financial abuse is a criminal offence. If you feel unsafe or controlled around money, know that support is available.
Learn more in our guide Financial abuse: spotting the signs and leaving safely
More help with talking about money
Money conversations with grown-up children aren’t just about finances — they’re about relationships, independence, and building mutual respect.
By approaching the topic with empathy, openness, and patience, you’ll be helping not only their financial future but also the strength of your family connection.
Our free booklet How to talk about money (Opens in a new window) (PDF/A, 8MB) shares simple tips to help you have better conversations, even if they feel tricky or don’t go as planned.
